The full story on my half-sleeve: Faith with Ink

Hey folks – this one might be intense.. so my non-Christian friends, it’s not too late to turn back. Or perhaps a better reason to keep reading? :)

The problem with wearing your heart on your sleeve is, well, wearing your heart on your sleeve. That thought occurred to me a few days ago and kind of stuck in my head, except in a different way in what you may be thinking. You see, I do wear my heart on my sleeve; both metaphorically and literally. Back when I was a mere 20 year old (I KNOW it seems like ages ago!) I was going through some challenging times and felt like I needed a tattoo to symbolize my struggles. 7 years later, I’ve now got a cross, with a sun and a moon next to it. In hindsight, the metaphor seems a lot stronger now than what it did back then; to lay down two instrumental sins in my life, at the foot of the cross… and to do it now over and over again in the present, compelled by a very special Psalm that was first read to me circa 2009.

Psalm 91: This Psalm has stuck with me throughout the years, whispering seemingly unobtrusive little words that would come alive across the dozens, if not hundreds of times I’ve read it. The living Word reaching out to me to speak to my troubles at that very moment.. in every moment.. in this moment. These past few weeks have been different, but eerily similar. To be in a state of not feeling, not knowing and not having a single clue as to where to put my first step; but hey now, I’ve got to give myself a bit of credit, I at least know that in order to move forward in life, it literally begins with just that little step. The question I find myself asking is, where?

It’s when I was sitting in church this past Sunday did something click inside of me. My logical brain in all of its illogicalness seemed to see the pathway in which I was meant to be on. At the very least, I’m beginning to see the dirt road out of the midst of things (think Lord of the Rings). The answer had been with me all along. I mean, literally, ON me. In addition to my cross, sun and moon (which was Gaelic inspired, how fancy), I’ve recently added on a very important piece to it. Asking the artist to draw it freehand, a combination of feathers and little biomechanical pieces were liberally tattooed from my shoulder down to my elbow. They represent a very powerful verse in Psalm 91:4 and Ephesians 6:10-18; it’s where I find my refuge, under God’s wings and that he equips me with His armor, the armor of God. Forever inked to my body, I live with this daily, both inwardly and outwardly. The funny part about all of this is that as the time goes by, I forgot that I even have tattoos or even what they mean to me.. similarly to how I seemed to have forgotten that Christ had died for me on the cross. Somewhere along the way, I’ve forgotten how to love God, love my neighbor and to love myself.

Not one to stress, you figure it’s just how life takes you by surprise. An unfurling event, or counter-pragmatic happenstance, it knocked me off of my well-placed, well-groomed, well-mapped life.

Imagine being at Belmar, or Long Branch, or whatever your favorite beach may be (God really help you if you immediately think of Seaside Heights haha jk) and you’re enjoying some waves; and then all of a sudden you’re taken by surprise by a rip current, unable to touch your feet down at the bottom to find sure-footing. Each second that passes by, you’re fighting for air, losing sight of where you are, losing orientation and feeling a huge weight being placed on your chest. While dramatic, I know we all experience this to different degrees throughout our lives. These troubles all come in many different shapes and sizes, but the struggle exists in some form or another and I’m convinced it’s felt universally.

Then imagine a hand or a familiar voice calling out to you… pulling you; Offering you help, support.. ultimately, a way back in. Ding ding ding.. can you see it? Can you feel it? The idea that God, the Father, has come to rescue me and although I will never be able to repay him or to give him enough thanks, out of His sheer love and genuine caring is this sense of peacefulness, security and assurance. That, my friends, is the concept of Grace.. and as I struggle to confront the issues that life throws at me, instead of rationalizing, dismissing or minimizing them, I’ve begun to feel more and more of God’s unlimited grace towards me, a jealousy for me that begs me to draw closer to him as I dive deeper into this world. Through that, I derive the strength to trust not on my own self, but to lean on an unknown presence that feels like home. To be a little chick that hides under his momma’s wings at the sign of danger, to feel protected and loved. This thought gives me hope. It doesn’t remedy any emotions that I may deal with, but rather, gives me the understanding of how to endure those feelings and to accept them.. and to accept myself; a child of Christ – perfect in my imperfectness; without a hint of not being enough for the Lord, perfect in all of my crazy ways.

So there you have it. I do wear my heart on my sleeve. When you see my tattoos, think of them as a reminder. A reminder of Emmanuel: God with us: God with me and God with you.

And if you haven't had enough, or perhaps you are in search for more.. read my buddy's blog on the exact same topic.. albeit, he speaks the gospel much more eloquently than I. It's worth the read, trust me.

http://thereliefbus-teamhaken.org/?p=938

My road to no back pain

About 3 years ago I was experiencing tremendous back pain. No doubt the 405lb-rounded-back-deadlifts, constant improper running, ill-fitted cycling and wreckless power lifting behavior contributed to it. It got so bad that I was barely even able to bend over in the morning to brush my teeth. After visiting the doctor and going through an MRI, I was found to have developing (is there such a thing? or is my mind playin' tricks on me [kudos if you know the song reference]) arthritis in L4 and L5.. that's my lower back for you non-medical folk like myself.

Wow - that was a game changer for me. NOT. I spent the next year trying to fix my form on my lifts, but my ego kept me trying to lift the same weight. That didn't help much. Well, as the pain grew more and more, my ego was getting smaller and smaller. Pretty soon I wasn't able to even run a 5k, cycle more than 10 miles, or do a set of 225lb DLs without having to stop, stretch and wince in pain. It was time for a change.

12-18 months later, I can happily say that I'm relatively pain-free from my lower back about 95% of my day. That's with doing all of my usual activities, you know, trying to stay fit and all. Here's how I did it. While it may not be the answer to everyone's (or even a single other person's) back pain woes, I've done and been through a lot and here are my wins and losses.

Losses:

• Using a foam roller to push the arch of my lower back (laying flat on the floor and just sticking the foam roller under the lower back)
• Doing straight leg dead lifts
• Doing good mornings
• Continue doing deadlifts (I don't DL anymore)
• Using a weight belt as a bandaid for a weak back
• Not warming up the core before heavy squats/rows

Wins:

• Foam rolling the top of glutes - this is my TOP pain remedy for tightness. I can't explain to you medically what it does, but hitting this spot released most, if not all tightness from my lower back.

• Focusing on strengthening my hamstrings (I discovered I have a severe leg muscle imbalance.. big quads, small hamstrings). I've found hamstring curls work wonders
• More core work - e.g., leg raises, planks, etc.
• This machine is my best friend:

• Lowering the weight and seriously focusing on form during lifts
• Being more aware of my running gait (I supinate, so I bought corrective insoles, also tightening up my stride)
• Getting fitted on my bicycle
• DYNAMIC stretching pre-workout, STATIC stretching post-workout
• Foam rolling
• Dedicating a part of my leg day and my back day to strengthening my lower back and lower abs
• Tucking my chin on lifts (admittedly, I've thought that keeping the chin up during ALL lifts was the better way to align the spine, but I was DEAD wrong)

So all in all, it's been a long road and this battle with lower back pain will likely progress into the future, but at least I've got more awareness/experience in how to deal with it.

Hope this helps!

The hardest 10:00 min/mile 5k I've ever done

Man - what a tough run today.

I've been so lazy and lethargic lately, that it took me several days to even sit down and write this blog.. coincidentally on the topic of being lazy and lethargic. After 5 wonderful years of turning my life around and finding insane stamina to keep focused on my training program, I think I've finally weened off the high of becoming athletically fit and am now culling in the valley of not having motivation.  Funny thing though, I started this blog, or rather was inspired to start writing in this blog to jot down all of the things that have kept me motivated throughout the years.. yet here I am writing about not being motivated! No matter.. I think that state that I'm in, many can relate to. My job catching up to me, family time, the lack of sleep, social/church responsibilities and a girlfriend have all kept me sufficiently on my toes for the past several months. What does that mean? Fitness has gone down the tubes and eating junk food has gone up. Ouch.

So in the pits of this non-bicep building despair, what am I to do? I figured it's time to finally take a dose of my own medicine. I reread several of my blogs, especially the ones centered around goals and have decided to do the one thing I always tell people to do: take the first step. Although I've been keeping up with going to the gym (averaging twice or three times a week now vs. 4-5), I've been rather lazy with running/cycling (I averaged about 250 miles in 2011 and 2012.. so far this year I've ran less than 30!). I've discovered that I'm making the same excuses that I once chastised people for making. "oh i'm too busy" "oh I have to go here.. I have to go there" "oh i'll do it tomorrow". Wow. I never thought it would come to this.

Oh well, that's water under the bridge, right? no mas! no longer am I going to make excuses. So I threw on my compression shorts & favorite running hat (of course I was shirtless, what other way would I have it?!), turned my GPS watch on and pulled the quick-laces of my faux-triathlon running shoes snug .. and off I went. I've got to say, today's run was the hardest damn 10 minute/mile 5k I've run in a long time. Although my, what I call, 'home 5k' has several small hills to climb, running a 29'22" time was a far cry from my 26'00" personal best on that route. But I tell you what, it was the most satisfying thing I've done in a while.

So here I am, making my testimony to you. Greatness, achievement and success doesn't begin with greatness, achievement and success. It starts with one step. It starts with the mind being ready first, then the body to follow. No matter how many DE-motivating things are happening in my life, the moment I decided to make my health a priority again was the moment I defeated the 'can't do' attitude. So wherever you are in your struggle, I'd say this: take that first step and  remember your bro-rific pal (me), in his lethargic-double-cheeseburger-eating-I-forgot-to-stop-bulking-for-the-summer-state-of-mind, can be a testament that it's never too late to start.

Some things to meditate on (or repeat over and over again while running aka hurting):

Philippians 4:13 (yep, the super cliche one, but super awesome!)

"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me"

aaaaaaaaaaand

Ask yourself:

1) What actually motivates you? Vanity? Health? Your children? Fitness goals? Confidence?

How bad do you want it?

2) What's stopping you? oh yea that's right, you.

3) What results are you chasing?

4) Where is your discipline?

5) How can you take that first step?

And if you've got a sense of humor:

Yes, it's a big deal

So I'm driving home just now and the excitement I'm feeling is overwhelming. In less than 24 hours I'll be on a plane heading to El Salvador.  Wow. I actually get to say that. For starters, please don't think that this is will be an entire entry on me saying "woohoo everyone look how good of a person I am". It's precisely the opposite of that. This opportunity is a blessing. This trip isn't about me, it isn't about Liquid Church or Liquid Water International, it isn't about the little knick-knacks us Americans are bringing to a destitute village in El Salvador. None of that even matters. What really matters is that my heart, my group's heart, my church's heart and your heart that lies within the work that will be done. Transcending above that, it is with God's heart that we are able to carry out His will in a capacity that will effect not only those who we serve, but ourselves as well.

To be honest, I don't even know how I got here. Never in a million years would I have thought my New Year's resolution of writing a single blog entry a month would include a pre-adventure schpiel about going to El Salvador. That my friends, is the glory of God. Time and time again, I've found that as I lean harder and harder on God and depend on His grace, do I find the miracles that happen in my life. I've also figured out that it has nothing to do with what I'm doing, what I think I'm capable of or how I think I'm doing something to control my own life.

I don't know what to expect of this trip. I don't know what impact we will have nor how I will be impacted, but there's an incredible excitement that I can see rightnow in front of my face and I know for sure I'm called to share the power of this testimony with all of you who have taken the time to read on. I mean this when I say it, no empty words here, we are all in this together. I don't care if you gave money, prayed, or even spent more than second thinking about it. This trip is about the communion of people, the salvation of the Lord's promise and the many different ways love can be shown in this world... and for me, that's a big damn deal.

A soggy, moldy and wet testimony. Just the way we like it.

 I wrote this April 6th, but with life moving so fast, I forgot to post it here. For context, my church went back out to revisit Staten Island, which was hit especially hard during Hurricane Sandy, to help in the continued effort there. Although the media and people's attention waned from the sore subject, these people are still hurting and in need of support. I've said it before and I'll say it again, these outreaches are the reason why I love Liquid Church so much. It's a church filled with members who don't just read the bible, but they act out their faith each and every day of their lives. That being said.. enjoy :) Also, apologies for the entry feeling so disjointed. I wrote this as soon as I got home from the outreach and just wanted to put down my thoughts on paper.. Plus I dare not edit it, so that it lose it's authenticity.

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With two houses down, we were well on our way of picking up some serious momentum in today’s outreach. Handed a big ol’ sledgehammer, some crowbars and shovels, we were told that our next destination would be a tough one. Untouched since Super Storm Sandy, we were tasked to muck out a house that was riddled with mold, mildew and abandoned belongings. 

As we walked into the house, we were greeted by Diane – a middle aged woman whose demeanor put most hardcore NJ/NYers to shame. With her hands and head waving around as she spoke, you could see she was telling as much a story by what she was doing along with what she was saying. Not to be slighted, she had a fierce attitude to boot. Diane told us about how the house belonged to her late boyfriend. She made off-hand comments about how this “problem” fell on her lap and how she lost so much money in the ordeal. Knowing we were a Christian relief group, she voiced a quip of how God giveth and taketh away. 

On the onset, I was pained by the lack of belief in her voice. I could feel how she felt that God had abandoned her and immediately wanted to reach out from across the room to tell her how much God really loved her. Sensing she wasn’t ready for that, we started with our work. Led by my amazing girlfriend, Dee, our equally as wonderful team set to the task of removing years and years of debris from the house, its saturated appliances and gutted the water-logged drywall, something so common to houses affected by the storm.

Amidst the work, I could feel how much Satan was waging war here in the very foundation where we were standing. We found paraphernalia, weapons, pornography and a slew of other unsettling items throughout the household. The ill-feelings carried towards the street as neighbors and strangers alike rummaged through the garbage we carried out of the house, hoping to find something of value to profit from Diane’s misfortune. Everywhere we turned our group faced a constant barrage of attacks from the devil himself. Overwhelmed, Dee and I had to step out of the house to pray. We prayed that the Lord’s shield and armor come down to protect this house, the team and Diane. We asked God to rebuke the evil spirits that dwelled in that household. We were ready to wage war. 

Minutes passed by as we returned to our work, using clinical focus to carry out our task – removing material, breaking down walls and cleaning, cleaning, cleaning. Our momentum had reached a peak, everyone was enjoying themselves. We were basking in the Lord’s Grace as we took the first swings of the sledge hammer. Diane’s face lit up as she joyfully said “give me the hammer, I want to swing it!” We all stood around and started having fun. Diane was beginning to feel the Love that was taking over the house; Strange how demolition can bring people together.  

After that, Diane was different. She didn’t spend her energy on complaining about her circumstance, about how the storm ruined her life and more importantly, she stopped blaming God for what happened to her. We could all feel it, Diane started asking to help us… wanting to give back to us. She felt the compassion we felt for her and wanted so genuinely to give back.

With the day ending, Dee and I ended up catching Diane alone. We asked if we could pray with her. She hesitantly accepted our request. Being uneasy, she grabbed our hands and joined us in prayer. With God opening her heart today, we expressed that He still loved her. That she was a beautiful, strong woman who deserved nothing but the best that God could provide to her. That none of this was her fault and she was a blessed woman to have handled it so well. We told her of a saving hope that would take her away from the hurt she has been experiencing for the past 18 months… That there was a light at the end of the tunnel.  As you could imagine, the tears began flowing between the three of us. Our prayers struck home. They entered her heart in a way that none of us could have ever imagined.

After sharing our moment together, we wrapped up our work and started packing up for the day. Diane stood in the house and bid everyone a fond farewell. The peace that was now throughout the house was so palpable. Being the last to leave with Steve, I walked back in to say my final goodbye to Diane. She stopped me and told me she had something to say. She told me that she had only one request at her late boyfriend’s cremation ceremony, that the song “Amazing Grace” be played (his favorite song)… and how they couldn’t even do that for her.

Tears started welling up her eyes and I couldn’t understand why. She continued with her story. She said “After you and Dee prayed for me, I walked downstairs and the music was playing. The song that was playing was ‘Amazing Grace’”. I don’t understand what that means.  How could I have paid so much for a ceremony and my only request not be fulfilled, but here you guys are – a group of giving, loving people, doing a free service for me and his song comes on. How can this be? I think God heard our prayer.. I think God heard our prayer”. 

As if a floodgate had been opened, we offered Diane words of comfort. That God IS with her. That He answered her prayer and that He sent us and His “God wink” to affirm that He is still so madly in love with her. 

God was in the room with us today. I was a witness to our Lord calling back His daughter. Beckoning her back to a life full of His undying, unfiltered, Staten-Island love.  This woman was saved today. I… we… all know it and God knew it all along. 

Diane is the woman with the grey shirt and glasses, and yes, that's Dee going HAM on the wall with the sledgehammer. hah!

Volume 3: Time to GET BIG - Lifting Strategies

Ok, so you're a pro now - you've bought and have been using your belt, wraps and straps. Everything you've read from the basic advice to the eating habits I've described are second nature to you. You're at the gym, you know your way around, made some beastly gains .. but wait for it.. you've been doing that same 4x10 routine for the past year and can't figure out why your shoulder hurts from benching and why your squat looks like a curtsy. Yep, that was me too. Here's bro-science that will blow your mind (I hope you all get my sense of humor in all of this).

Working Sets -

4 (sets) x 10 (reps) - Great for beginners. My absolute go to recommendation for folks looking for a base routine. Gradually increase your weight, but make sure you can complete all 10 reps on the last set.

5x5 - Monster routine for building strength. Usually preceded by 2 warm up sets x 20 reps of light weights. You usually need a spotter for this program, as you go as heavy as possible (keep your weight consistent through the 5 sets).

10x10 - Known as 'German Volume Training' - Lift with a spotter or on a rack, light weight (guide says 60% your 1RM, but I'd suggest even closer to 50%), builds an insane amount of strength and muscle endurance. (also keep your weights consistent through the sets)

5x15/20 - Better known in the bodybuilding world when you're trying to really make your muscles grow, but not necessarily make them super super strong (like a power lifter would). Great for those guys looking to try something new and are typically coming off their bulk right now. The biggest factor of this type of program is to SQUEEZE everything. You'll know what I mean once you're finished watching the below video.

Pyramids - My favorite. You can pyramid any amount of sets you'd like. Currently I go 'up' the pyramid for 3 sets, 2 peak (same weight), 3 sets 'down'. This of course, has varying weight loads. Also typically lessen the reps as the weight gets heavier. E.g., (reps) 16, 12, 10, 8, 8, 12, 14, 20

Mind Muscle Connection -

I don't even need to write. You just need to watch and be amazed.

Splits -

There's a hundred different splits you could do. It depends on your lifting style, what you want out of your plan and how much time you're willing/can to dedicate to training. I'll just give you 3 examples of my own lifting splits. After all, this blog is about me, isn't it?

Cut/Summer plan:
Pyramid/4x10/5x15/20 (depending on how I feel that day)

• Legs/shoulders/arms
• Back/bi/abs
• Chest /tri/abs
• 2 or 3 days of HIIT drill training (think boot camp style), running and/or cycling

Bulk/Winter plan:
Typically 5x5 or heavier/less reps pyramids

• Zero cardio, some boxing once in a while
• Legs x2 a week/abs
• Back/bi
• Chest/tri
• Shoulders/arms/abs

Maintain plan:
4x10/12, pyramids

• Legs/abs
• Shoulders/arms/abs
• Chest/tri
• Back/bi
• Cardio once or twice a week

Techniques: Here are some tips that I really believe in.

Full range of motion (ROM) and partial ROM have their place in lifting. You're not a bastard if you can't ass-to-grass squat, but you are if you rack 3 plates and barely move your legs. Full ROM should always strive to be achieved, with intense mind/muscle connection - but on those special beastly days you feel super strong and you want to throw around more weight, then by all means, don't take your squat past parallel and see what you're capable of. Just never lose your form or risk injury and/or embarrassment from your other brotastic gym rats.

In order to make gains, change things up. Switch your program, change your lifts, grips, weights and reps.

Have some fun. If you're tired of the gym, go outside. If you're tired of outside, go inside. If you don't want to pick things up and put them down, go mountain climbing or something. If you're burnt out, don't worry at all, pour yourself 3 fingers of scotch and watch some Walking Dead. No one says staying healthy requires slaving away at the gym.

When you're in the gym, focus on what you're doing. Have some conversations, but remember why you're there. And when you're there, pay attention to what you're doing. MIND MUSCLE CONNECTION! I always hate this expression "it doesn't matter if you run or walk a mile, you'll burn the same calories'". That's so horseshit. Maybe scientifically it's true, but I dare you to walk a full mile while watching a TV show and then walk another mile with no headphones, TV or magazine, focusing intensely on how you walk, how you move, how you step - tell me there isn't a difference! The benefits aren't always in the numbers.

Lastly. Squeeze your ass. In everything you do when you lift. Sounds funny right (especially when you drop the soap)? When you squeeze your butt-cheeks together, you force a more natural pelvic tilt - which is so important if you are deadlifting or squatting.. even doing machine stuff. Squeezing your butt also engages your abs and therefore your core - which will ultimately give you more power throughout all of your drives (muscle contraction).. even when you're doing something like arm curls. Try it.

Volume 2: Food Strategy for my bro-nation

So in reality there's probably about 2 people who read my blog (thanks!), but in my head, I'm a rock star that will change the eventual course of the bro-nation with my vast knowledge of bro-science. Just kidding. I just want to make sure my gym rants at least include nutrition and lifting techniques.

Let's start with mentality. As it's said, mind over matter. I won't bother with trying to tell you what to eat, how to cook it or what color your bell peppers should be - just do a google search on 'nutrition' plan and you'll find a bazillion different diets/plans that will tell you that theirs is the best. I'm going to focus on explaining some of my fundamentals. Again, always keeping things simple will make your life so much easier/better.

First, learn your macros (your daily dietary split of where your calories come from: protein, carbs and fats). Then stop caring about them. Eye-ball your food, don't measure it. Unless you're body building or are capable of micro-managing your diet everyday without becoming insane, just don't obsess over those details - to make things easy, just visualize everything in a fist-size. that's your portion. So eat a fist-sized portion of meat, carbs, veggies/fruit every meal. Easy, right? It really shouldn't be any more complicated than that. Next, you can choose to calculate your daily caloric intake, or if you're first starting out, just focus on what you're eating instead of how much. Too often people step into these insane cardio/diet programs with a thousand new rules and restrictions that are too much to handle. This is the true reason why people fail at these things. Don't make such dramatic changes to your life. Nothing in life that's worth it happens overnight, so accept that the cliche 'it's a lifestyle change' is true.

THINGS TO DO:
- Eat when you are hungry
- Eat consistently
- Eat an equal portion of meat, carbs, fruits/veggies.
- Eat breakfast
- umm. don't have cheeseburgers, excess bacon, soda, that 'extra' kit-kat bar you keep at your desk, etc. (and F it, if you do, split that bad boy up and eat it at 4 different times during the day)

And if you're reading this and say 'well, I enjoy food too much to do all of this' then your mind-frame is not where it needs to be anyway. So come back when it is. In my opinion, the key to a successful healthy lifestyle is being conscious of what you're taking into your body, enjoying the wonderful food life has to offer, but also understanding the trade-off.

THINGS NOT TO DO:
Initially (as you ease into the lifestyle shift)
- DO NOT count calories
- DO NOT weigh your food
- DO NOT decide on a macro split and micro manage the hell out of it
- DO NOT give up on the food you love
- DO NOT starve yourself when you are hungry

Gradually:
- Start being conscious of your calories, macros
- Start deciding which foods you love and decide which you can live with and without. then live without.
- Start allowing yourself to be a little more hungry, your body will adapt.

So I'm sure I haven't said anything you've haven't heard before. The whole purpose of this writing is to now examine what objections you've just made up in your mind as you read this.. and then address those objections. Once you resolve to conquer those objections and actually step up and do something about it. That right there is the 'lifestyle change' I was just talking about.

Cheers.